Well, today is a big day…or at least an emotional one. Since accepting a job at Microsoft there’s been a deluge of logistical things to deal with but I don’t think any of them have been as stressful as the one we had to take care of today: Our dog, Max.
See, we aren’t going directly out to Redmond. We are going to spend the holidays in California and then move up to Washington. As a result there was a very real logistical problem with Max. How and when to transport him, etc. Short nosed dogs can’t fly. The exact term is: brachycephalic. Pugs, Bostons, Boxers, etc fall into this category. Well, I guess they can fly…but it’s dangerous for them and there is a very good chance they can end up dead. Many airlines will not even take brachycephalic dogs at all, ever, because of the risk. If Max were a lab or a chow or something, it’d be a no brainer: under the plane you go. Nice heated cabin, little tranquilizer and we are off. Were Max to be smaller he could ride in the cabin of the plane but there is no way our chubby little Boston Terrier is fitting under a plane seat. And, again, this seems cruel. So, we decided that our best bet was to go with a service which will drive him out to Washington. But, logistical problems again: We aren’t going to Washington straight away. And even when we are there, our first month is going to be temporary housing (which, technically, you can have a dog but it complicates things) and then we are moving again. This all seemed very stressful for him and us.
So we decided that he’d be better off with my parents where we would have lots and lots of attention, a fenced in back yard and another dog to play with all day. He’s stayed at their house many times and knows my parents and is comfortable around them. My parents love my dog and I think they are looking forward to taking care of Max for a month or so. After we settle in, Max will be driven out to us and we’ll have his crate and his blankets and everything all set up. This made perfect sense. There was only one problem: Letting go of our dog for almost two months.
Those of you who know me know that Max is second only to my parents and my wife as far as people that are important to me. It’s funny; I re-read that last sentence and realize that I count him as a person. In a lot of ways, I think dogs become people after a while — they certainly have emotions (though probably not as complex as we like to believe they are) and they have personalities. My parent’s Boston Terrier is a very different dog than Max. I don’t mean that in a bad way but to say that there are personalities for sure. So it was really difficult to just see him leave. I know, from a purely scientific point of view he’s probably already forgotten that he’s left here and I know this isn’t the first time in the car with my dad. In fact, when he got outside he ran to the car and wanted to get in. He’s such a good dog like that. He loves the car and going for rides. That part wasn’t the heart breaking part.
The hard part is what came next. First, I saw him looking out the back of the car window at me as he drove off. That choked me up for sure. Then, coming in after seeing my dad’s car drive off and seeing his toys and his bed and all the other reminders of my best friend. And really, I don’t think the phrase, “Man’s best friend” is trite. I can’t think of anyone or anything in the world that loves you as unconditionally as a dog. Sure, I love my wife unconditionally. But we have our moments, just like anyone else, where we get on each other’s nerves or we fight. I think that’s pretty normal and healthy. But you don’t get that with a dog. There is no emotional baggage that builds up. They are just always glad to see you and just want some attention.
Attention. That’s a funny one. One I think I’ve failed him in that area from time to time. Is this the sort of thing parents do when they look back and their children when they finally leave the house and do a moral assessment of their job as parents? It feels like it in some sort of shallower dog-centric way. I feel like I should have played more with him. But…sometimes I come home from work and I’m tired and well, those are excuses right? Or maybe this is just me feeling emo because my little wet-nosed buddy is gone. But not forever gone; which is the reassuring part. In fact, I’ve already made plans to skype with him tomorrow. How absolutely pathetic is that? Pretty god-damned if you ask me.
For some reason I can’t get this specific memory out of my head right now. It was when he was still a puppy and we left him alone one day and he got into some medicine that my wife had left in her jacket pocket — medicine that a dog really really shouldn’t take. She found him shortly after it happened and rushed him to the vet. She then called me frantically as they filled his belly full of charcoal to absorb everything then induced vomiting. A horrible thing to subject a dog to but the only way to really be sure that the medicine was out of his system. She called me at work and I remember rushing out and driving entirely too fast on my way to the vet and I kept thinking, “this can’t be happening, I can’t live without this dog. I should have been a better owner, I should have ______ or _______” and so on. It was a really low point. And I think we hadn’t even had Max a year at that point. But in that relatively short period of time he had become this sort of thing that I always wanted to see when I came home from work or woke up and I wasn’t nearly ready to let him go. We’ve been through 3 surgeries for this little guy and god knows what else. Hell I think I don’t even remember all of it. But it’s been more of a challenge than I ever thought dog ownership would have been.
But in the end I think it’s taught me something. I think I’ve grown as a person because I’ve had to be responsible for a dog. I don’t think I could have gone straight to fatherhood without the intermediate step of owning a dog. That’s not to say I have impending fatherhood but I’m sure it’s on the horizon. But my little dog has taught me patience and what it’s like to love unconditionally. He’s taught me to be silly with him and that sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses/cat poop. He’s taught me that, despite the odds being unfathomably against you, you should always ALWAYS chase the squirrel…because you never know…you might just get lucky.
Again, I know that it’s not a long amount of time that I’ll be without the little guy, but it’s funny how the second he’s out of your life you start to realize all the things he adds to it. I know, ultimately he (and everyone else for that matter) won’t be there. He’ll get old and as his best friend I’ll have to take him to the vet one last time to put him out of whatever horrible pain/condition that isn’t worth (worth being quality of life, not worth as in dollar amount) putting him through. I know that day comes for everyone eventually and you have to emotionally steady yourself for it. I’m glad this isn’t that day because I’m not ready for it. And I’m happy I can be honest with myself enough to know that.
I guess the sadness here is short-lived and really on my part. Like I said, he’s really going to be a blast. The cold Chicago weather is hard on his knees (see the note about surgeries above). He gets salt in his paws from the sidewalks and has to be alone during the day when we are at work. None of that awaits him in Bloomington. My parents will dote on him; he can have (slightly) warmer weather, no salt to walk on and another dog with which to play. He’s really coming out ahead. I have to look at it that way. I need to be happy that he gets to have an adventure and be well-loved. And I need to be happy that an adventure awaits me too.
Speaking of adventure: I want to keep this more active as I want to really track the next few weeks. This is a crazy time in my life and I want to be able to look back on it and remember it. So maybe this is more for you than it is for me.
I also have a Tumblr account which will be for more short-form blog updates/pictures/etc. I’ll be linking that one and taking advantage of it. It won’t be so lengthy or as whatever as this blog is.
